Monday, November 11, 2013

Role Reversals in the Movies, Part 1: The Romantic Comedy

Last night before bed, Jeff and I somehow got on the topic of sexism in movies. It stemmed from our having read this article recently on 5 Ways Modern Men are Trained to Hate Women. It got us talking about this idea that men are the hero of their own story, and owed a hot woman by the universe. Jeff brought up that American movies are the worst at teaching this, and that usually other countries have more tragic endings and no one gets a hot woman or the hot woman always dies. I brought up how many of our movies fail the very simple Bechdel Test (you can read about it here if you don't know what that is), which Jeff had never heard of before. And then something beautiful happened.

This led Jeff to asking me how we would switch the male and female roles in typical movie stereotypes. Together, we came up with three stereotypical movies, and how we would swap out the roles of the male and female protagonists. I was greatly entertained by this so much, that I admit, I couldn't sleep most of the night and rather kept working out the stories further and further. So, I felt maybe this would be something I needed to share with the world.

So without further ado, our first storyline of the swapped gender roles that Hollywood should attempt to reverse the sexism (mind you, not correct, just reverse):

Part 1: The Romantic Comedy

Movie Tite: Architext

Everyday, average funny girl and New York Architect, Aubrey Plaza is just having too much fun in life to settle down. We're sure she's an architect, though we never see her at work for the first half of the movie, as she usually is seen after work getting drinks with her best friend, played by Melissa McCarthy, and aproaching attractive men in the bar, which leads to a lot of one night stands. Until one morning, as Aubrey Plaza goes into her usual coffee shop on her way into the office, she bumps into quirky and free-spirited Chris Pine, who accidentally spills his coffee all over her. Oh, Chris Pine is so incorrigable. Somehow, in the shuffle of trying to clean off her business suit and help Chris Pine pick up his dropped graded kindergarted homework packets, Aubrey and Chris accidentally grab the other's identical white iPhone. What are the chances?
Back at the office, Aubrey realizes that the important conference call she has been waiting on all day didn't come in, and notices that, wait a minute, this isn't her phone! Needing to figure out who this guy is that she has swapped phones with, she looks through Chris Pine's text message archive, and can't help but feel she can use some of this information to get Chris in bed with her. She calls her phone from his, tells him all about the quirky mix up, and asks him to dinner where they can switch phones. Fast forward to Aubrey and Chris making out in her apartment, removing clothes, heading to the bedroom. Fast forward again to the next morning. Aubrey wakes to find Chris Pine doing yoga in her living room and announcing he made breakfast. Aubrey is taken aback as most men simply leave the next morning, but that's okay, she groggily offers to call him a cab. Aubrey smells that something is burning. Chris realizes he left the eggs cooking on the stove when he went to do yoga. They both run into the kitchen, but it's too late, the pan is no more. Chris apologizes, and leaves.
Aubrey and Melissa McCarthy go out for an afternoon drink at the bar, where she tells Melissa all about how crazy Chris Pine was in bed. Melissa teases her about how she needs to watch out, lest she get herself tied down, and not tied down like the kinky stuff the Calvin Klein underwear models (yes, plural) she is currently sleeping with are known for. Aubrey admits she doesn't understand how Melissa McCarthy always gets so many hot men to date her, and Melissa explains it is because she treats them like garbage, so they keep coming back for approval because they have mommy issues. Aubrey advises that she should turn in early tonight, as she has so many blueprints for the new skyscraper to look over, and heads back to her apartment.
To Aubrey's surprise, Chris Pine runs into her again in her apartment lobby, knocking them both flat on the tile floor. She helps Chris Pine up, and he reveals that he has a new frying pan he bought for her, with a big red bow on it, to apologize for ruining the other one this morning. This turns into Chris Pine going up to Aubrey's apartment again, and we will romantic movie montage them into quirky dating situations where it is established that they are becoming an item now.
Aubrey and Melissa McCarthy are at the bar again, where Melissa is razzing Aubrey for getting tied down, and not the kinky sort of way. Aubrey tells Melissa she never saw it coming, but Chris Pine is totally the Manic Pixie Dream Boy she never realized she wanted. But there is a problem in dream land. The next day, Chris invites Aubrey to meet him for lunch on a weekday. They'll have a picnic and it will be so spontaneous. Aubrey obliges, but when faced with watching Chris Pine playing with children, she panics. She runs away before Chris could see her. Her biological clock is not ready for this yet. Chris tries to call her, but she ignores all of his calls.
That night, she meets her friend again at the bar. Melissa dares Aubrey to go hit on the new hot guy that entered the bar, Chris Hemsworth, and if he offers to have sex with her, and she turns him down, then there is no hope left for Aubrey, and she may as well start picking out china patterns. But if she goes, it will make breaking it off with Chris Pine that much easier. Aubrey takes Melissa up on the dare, and flirts with and buys a drink for Chris Hemsworth. Sure enough, he offers to go back to her place. They get into a cab together, but Aubrey starts to panic. Could she really be falling for Chris Pine? That is so unlike her. I mean, he is a kindergarten teacher and she is not ready to settle down. But he is adorable and free-spirited and quirky and he really was good with those kids. She turns to tell Chris Hemsworth that she needs to call this off, that she does have a boyfriend, and for the first time, she may be ready for to tell someone she loves them. Chris Hemsworth turns at the same time and accidentally pokes Aubrey in the eye with the button on his sleeve, knocking out her contact. As she tries to locate the contact on the floor of the cab, it pulls up in front of her apartment building, where dejected Chris Pine is leaving, having tried desperately to see if she was okay. Of course, as he sees the cab pull up, it looks as though Aubrey is doing a lot more than just looking for her contact lens near Chris Hemsworth's pants. Aubrey jumps out of the cab as fast as she can, crying, "Chris, no!" but it is too late, and Chris runs off crying. At this point we cut to montages of Chris Pine wearing sweats and eating ice cream and not answering any of Aubrey's calls. Eventually the montages cut to Chris, looking very forlorn, but moving on with his life while he puts all of his energy into his kindergarten class.
Finally, it's the night of the big kindergarten class play. Chris has been planning this for months, and each kid is so excited to be really lame parts like trees. As intermission hits, an unexpected announcement starts coming from the microphone. It's Aubrey! She didn't forget about the play that was so important to Chris, and she is announcing to everyone that she is finally ready to say it out loud, Chris Pine, Aubrey Plaza loves you. And she totally didn't blow Thor in the back of that cab, it was not what you thought, though, in hindsight, she should have picked better words for a children's play stage. Chris comes out and joins Aubrey on stage and Aubrey gets down on one knee and proposes. Chris Pine could not be more thrilled. He says yes, and all the other elementary school teachers are crying. Aubrey Plaza, Chris Pine totally wants to have your babies, but, you know, only when you are ready. Mack 'n' clap and credits roll. (Don't know what the Mack 'n' clap is? Watch one here.)

I love this movie. I totally think they need to make this happen. I think we should add in Jane Lynch as Chris Pine's sassy PE Teacher best friend, but Jeff thinks that would be a little much.

No comments:

Post a Comment