I read the article on the website cracked.com 4 Things I Learned from the Worst Online Dating Profile Ever today, and I felt it needed a bit of a rebuttal, as I am hearing responses from women in my life complaining at how horrible men are, and how this article is proof. I must disagree, slightly.
First, I would like to start with advising that I have a friend that did his own version of this social experiment on women on a dating website he had been on for some time. Only, he didn't use a model. He kept his profile exactly the same, with the same photos, and added only "I have recently come in to some money and am planning on moving to Australia." The amount of responses he got at that point increased exponentially so he deleted his profile. Sorry, ladies, but our species was represented no better than the men's. This portion of the rebuttal is more towards the angry women and their possibly misplaced feelings of misandry.
Now, my other problem with this article, and this one is in regards to the article itself and not just the reactions from readers, is on the crazy factor of the hot model. Unfortunately, it appears to me that this author sat down and figured out what type of woman she would dislike, and what men are "supposed to" hate. But, like Stan Lee's surprise that women loved the asshole womanizing Iron Man, sometimes we do love the aspects about the opposite sex we are supposed to hate.
Specifically, I noticed that on this article, that AaronCarterFan loves America and dogs. I feel that this profile would have gone over a little more unsuccessfully if she mentioned #1 that she currently has 8 cats, and they all have their own outfits, and #2 that she hates America, because it is so filled with ugly poor people, and she can't wait until she can convince a man she will marry him just long enough to convince him to move her to Paris. The threat of faking a pregnancy was pretty good, but suggests that this woman is very sexually active, which excites them. Threatening, rather, to scam them to move to France, a country that a lot of American men don't tend to want to even visit, let alone move to, could sting a little more, sad as that fact is. Perhaps she could even throw in that she will never sleep with a man she is dating until he has bought her a car. Then, when the men start flooding her with hook up requests, she could easily throw in "I'll meet you right now, baby, but don't bother bringing a condom unless you brought me a Lexus, too." They'll stop messaging her faster that way, I believe.
Similarly, I think rather than showing her callousness with the favorite pass time of knocking the cups out of the hands of homeless men, she should have put in a cruelty to the every day average man, rather than on the homeless. Stating that she loves to order the most expensive item on the menu, and then sneak out and ditch the date after one bite, so he still has to pay for it, waiting for her to come back from the bathroom. She should state that she will always key his car as payback for taking her to anything less than a four star restaurant. Hit them where it hurts a little more. This is an experiment on making men hate her, so make men hate her already.
From there, the author decides to start going crazy to get the men to stop messaging her. She never goes quite crazy enough, sadly, and so the men just keep talking. The part about pulling out a guy's tooth was pretty crazy, but crazy in a way he thought (prayed?) it was still a joke, and hot sex was still coming. At this point, I would recommend using the faking a pregnancy, specifically that she has big plans to marry a famous serial killer inmate and fake a pregnancy to get a media deal with some tabloids. Or suggesting that they meet up and plan some crazy night of scaring his most recent ex into thinking they are going to kill her, lol but of course they would stop short of that part! YOLO! Mermaid tattoo? Funny, I liked that. But body modification scarring is so much more exhilarating. And its free.
At this point in the article, the author gives up and tries just going random crazy. She admits it was giving up, and that is all it was, giving no new reason to the men to stop hounding this AaronCarterFan hottie. My husband suggested the correction to this point in the article. Instead, she should have gone straight to personal attacks for no reason. "Baby, you better be hella rich wit a face like dat if u want me to hook up lol." "Are u a fag? U look like one. I only let them buy me close." etc.
Lastly, she never attempted the Fabian approach from the movie Pulp Fiction. Just start telling them your intense and awkward plans to purposely get fat in the immediate future, because pot bellies are sexy and she gives exactly ZERO FUCKS about what he thinks makes her sexy. Then take photos of your model friend eating nutella with HER BARE HANDS. And then eating baked beans with HER BARE HANDS (thank you, NewsRadio). See what they say after that.
Now, these are simply theories at 3 in the morning, and admittedly, I won't ever know if they would work or not because I am not willing to pay to join a dating site to test these theories out. Yet, I feel I at least make a convincing reasonable doubt to the crazy bitch AaronCarterFan attempt. Girl, you just weren't crazy bitch enough. We are capable of SO MUCH MORE! But it was a cute attempt. So, in conclusion, thank you for the really fun read, but you could have gone so much crazier!